A recent newspaper article explored the question of high sensitivity — is it real, or are sensitive people just “too emotional”? I’m glad that the topic is gaining attention. It reminds me how profoundly sensitivity has shaped my own life. Through personal work and experience, I’ve learned to understand, embrace, and use it as a quality rather than a limitation. How about you?
Do you also feel a natural connection with others who are highly sensitive (often called HSPs – Highly Sensitive Persons)? Many of my close friends, my partner, and many of the people I work with share this trait. Around them, I can be more myself, and that makes me stronger. Why? Because I am one of them. Does that sound familiar?
For a long time, I downplayed my own sensitivity. As a man, I thought it wasn’t “supposed” to be part of me – that being sensitive meant being weak. Now I can see that my sensitivity is one of the main reasons I lost touch with my authenticity. And that accepting who you essentially are is the key to a happy, connected life.
Beyond the popular articles and debates, I’d like to highlight two aspects of sensitivity that often remain under-discussed – yet have helped me make real progress.
- Safety. Many highly sensitive people I meet have experienced a lack of safety early in life. Sensitivity can develop as a response to growing up in an unpredictable environment – you had to stay alert all the time. The nervous system becomes finely tuned to subtle cues. That vigilance helped then, but as adults we can learn to relax and feel safe again.
- Hidden sensitivity. Many people, especially men, suppress their sensitivity by going “up into the head” — analysing, joking, keeping busy. I believe far more people are highly sensitive than they realise; they’ve simply learned to hide it, to function in a world that doesn’t always value sensitivity.
I recognise that pattern in myself. When I feel overwhelmed or unsafe in a group, I tend to dissociate – I start thinking instead of feeling. My system registers danger and replays old survival strategies. I do this less and less, but it still happens. The difference now is that I notice it sooner and know what’s happening in my body.
I find my strength through authenticity – by embracing, not fighting, my sensitivity. It gives me precision in what I feel, say, and do. For example, I can intuitively sense what’s needed in a coaching session or when facilitating a group. Sensitivity then becomes guidance instead of overload.
My ongoing practice is to recognise the moment when old feelings of unsafety arise. That’s the crossroads. I can either fall back into old patterns – analysing, fixing, speeding up – or slow down, stay present, and name what I feel right now. The latter creates awareness of what’s really happening underneath the surface.
By embracing my sensitivity, I can now join others in taking steps that move beyond the familiar and predictable. How about you? How do you turn what once felt like a handicap into your strength?
Warm regards,
Lars Lutje Schipholt