Do you know who is speaking within you? Is it your mind, your feelings, or your intuition? Who is in control? “I am, of course!” you might say. But is that really true? A lot of our behavior is unconscious—like an iceberg, where only the tip is visible.
I have become aware that my mind or fears are often ‘in control’ more than I would like. And I have realized how much unconscious behavior is influenced by my past and my environment. More importantly, I now know how to move beyond this. As a result, I can let my intuition or deeper knowing speak more freely and become more authentic. Would you like that too?
<10% Reliable: Your Mind (IQ)
I must admit, I am quite addicted to my mind. It’s a wonderful place where I can let my thoughts and creativity roam freely. But I have also discovered that my mind is full of judgments, opinions, and self-undermining thoughts. It creates a reality that it wants to see, filtering everything to avoid facing what is really going on.
As if that weren’t bad enough, did you know that your mind is always either in the past or the future, but never in the present moment? So why, like so many knowledge workers, do I enjoy staying in my own bubble? Exactly—because it feels so safe and comfortable in my own illusory world.
“About ten years ago, I hit a wall, and my bubble was burst. In hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise. I realized that I had to look inward to understand why my reality did not align with that of my surroundings. I had to bypass my mind and ego, feel more deeply, and dive below the surface of the iceberg…”
50% Reliable: Your Feelings (EQ)
Like many people in today’s world of burnout and stress, I have learned to listen more to my feelings and my body. Tuning into my emotions keeps me grounded in reality and prevents me from overextending or escaping. Thanks to increased emotional intelligence (EQ), I am more connected with myself—and as a result, with others.
However, ‘feeling’ comes with its own pitfalls.
Pitfall 1: You Should Always Feel Good
Many personal development programs create the illusion that you should always feel good. This, however, denies the reality of unpleasant emotions. Before you know it, you develop a new coping mechanism where feelings like sadness or anger are not allowed. While this may be better than being stuck in your head and not feeling at all, it does not help you become more authentic. In fact, you are still denying about 50% of reality and feeding your shadow side…
Pitfall 2: “It Doesn’t Feel Right”
Okay, so you take it a step further and allow unpleasant emotions like sadness or anger. But before you know it, you fall into the next trap: not realizing that your behavior is unconsciously influenced by your past. For example, projecting a parent onto a colleague and reacting from that perspective. Or letting fear dictate your actions and giving up.
Your amygdala—the part of your brain that regulates fear and anger—does not distinguish between past and present and tends to think in black and white. So how can I truly trust myself? Exactly—by diving even deeper into the iceberg…
>90% Reliable: Your Intuition or Deeper Knowing (SQ)
I have discovered that presence is the key. Instead of reacting unconsciously and disconnecting from myself and others, I strive to be fully present with what is happening. This means paying attention to the deeper undercurrents rather than blaming myself or others. I call this spiritual intelligence (SQ).
The key is to notice when a contraction or negative thought arises. Only when you acknowledge its underlying message can you truly see what is happening and what the situation requires from you now. This way, physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions become signals for the present moment.
More Control
My ability to be less impulsive or reactive (or, conversely, to stop minimizing or denying everything) has had a significant impact on my life. I am more connected to reality in the present moment. It is not always easy, but I have gained much more control over my life.
This is an ongoing practice, and I make progress by:
- Mindfulness: From meditation to Zhineng Qigong, whether alone or in a group, from a one-minute practice to a ten-day retreat. This helps me be more present by connecting with my body and emotions.
- Self-aware mirrors: People who help keep me accountable—whether a coach, a peer group, or my partner. Since I am not always aware of my own behavior, others can help me see my blind spots.
- Support from experienced professionals: A body-oriented coach or therapist who guides me in healing past wounds that may still have a grip on me, helping me integrate the past.
Living Your Full Potential
It takes courage and perseverance to fully engage with reality. Is it worth it? For me, the answer is a resounding yes. When my mind, heart, and gut are open and connected, I can access my full potential. My mind, feelings, and intuition—my deeper knowing—are all in harmony. I am more authentic and connected with my surroundings. And that leads to the most beautiful experiences and a deep sense of fulfillment. I highly recommend it.
Best regards,
Lars Lutje Schipholt